How Will Greenwood are you?
Fancy a job as a professional Rugby World Cup pundit? Well first you must benchmark yourself against the best pundit that ITV has (apparently) to see if you have what it takes. Take our simple quiz to see if you can compete with Will Greenwood.
1. France have just missed a drop-goal, do you:
a) wax about how sitting deeper in the pocket would allow more time to get the kick away
b) question the validity of attempting a three-pointer at this stage, possibly mentioning 2003 world cup
c) start weeping inconsolably while listing every point England have scored via a drop goal since 1992
2. Tonga vs South Africa, a ruck has formed and a questionable offside has been given against Tonga, do you:
a) view the replay while outlining what the referee is looking for in such a situation
b) make observation about what the South Africans did to secure the ball and frustrate Tongan ruckers, and that a strong pack, like the Boks and England, is essential.
c) Say that the mighty England forwards would never have let that happen, particularly the collossus that is Andrew Sheridan, who has the strength of 10 bears and the heart of a lion so brave it once won a Daily Mirror Pride of Britain Award for rescuing 47 children from the mouth of a volcano in Grimsby.
3. All Blacks full back catches the ball, slaloms through 11 men and scores a 70 metre wonder try. Do you:
a) tell us all how difficult it is to score such a special try
b) mention other special tries you have seen from the French, kiwis and possibly England.
c) Shrug your shoulders and say "meh", before going on to rant through the whole conversion attempt about how Jason Robinson is not just a class player, but a beautiful man who does more to lift the hearts of the known world than any amount of tries, Diana memorials, third-world debt relief or Basement Jaxx music could ever do.
4. Scrum-time. A big shove by the Argentinians knocks Ireland back, do you:
a) make the point that Ireland lack a genuinely great pair of props
b) recall the demolition job that the Ireland pack did on England in the 2007 Six Nations.
c) Burst into a full rendition of "Jerusalem", before calling your Welsh co-commentator a "colonial nonentity"
5. Pitch-side after the World Cup final, you have a chance to question the victorious Boks' coach what question do you ask? Is it:
a) Jake White, can you tell us what this means to you and your team?
b) Jake White, can you tell us what it means to beat England and win this tournament?
3) Jake White, you are a disgusting interloper who has prevented the rightful champions from being crowned, how would you like me to take this microphone and shove it so far up your former-racist arse that every time I punch you in the kidneys, which will be repeatedly in a minute, the squelching of your insides will mingle with your screams as they are broadcast around the whole globe?
How did you answer?
Mostly a): You are clearly a person who likes to talk about the game in front of you at the time, and are therefore of no use to ITV. A job at the BBC beckons.
Mostly b): You like to talk about England, or get references to them in, but they are balanced and considered within the context of the game situation. Sky are recruiting, get yourself over there.
Mostly c): Congratulations! ITV would like to offer you a job for the 2011 tournament, when you and Will be paired up to ensure that all available airtime is puncuated with the world England.
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