Rugby World Cup 2015 Preview: Pool C, THE POOL OF MEH™

Kieran-read-large
Pool C.  A pool with an outcome so inevitable that it could be Danny Grewcock gameplan.

New Zealand

The All Blacks usually come into a Rugby World Cup as outstanding favourites having battered everyone in the run up, and while they've not been doing badly (they never do) they've not been as red hot as usual; losing to Australia in the Rugby Championship and looking unsteady by their standards in others.  Also, despite being the best team in the world since the bronze age they have famously still not managed to win a World Cup outside of New Zealand, usually being knocked out in some hilarious/unjust way, depending on the nationality of who you are asking.

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: The Rugby Championship, round two

Richienatorbig

The McCaw: Simply will not stop

SHIT

Conrad Smith – made to look completely ordinary by a 21-year-old.  Now, that 21-year-old is Jesse Kriel, who if not the real deal looks a great deal like it, but still the experience Kiwi should've put in a better showing that this.

Argentina's gameplan – The Pumas have a tried and trusted way of working: assemble a pack of men that look like they eat live wolves by choice as a hobby, let them slowly squeeze the dignity out of their opposition and hope that the backs can do just about enough.  However, vs Australia this was not in evidence as the players threw the ball about as if they were so terrified of holding it tat it was covered in marmite and tarantulas.  It didn't end well.

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: The Rugby Championship, round 1

Trc

"ask about our great value wedding packages"

SHIT

The logo – It must be tricky to come up with anything decent that involves the name The Rugby Championship because it's a completely awful moniker that sounds so downmarket it should be sponsored by Poundland.  However, they have managed to make this cowpat of a brand even worse by creating a logo that looks like it should be on the letterhead of a mid-range business hotel in Slough.  

Will Skelton – Albert Einstein said, and I'm paraphrasing a great theory here, that time slows down when you travel at lightspeed, this is essentially what relativity is, or something.  Anyway, I've always struggled to understand this, but that was until I saw Will Skelton.  Just as time slows the faster you go, it seems that Skelton's impressive 140kg mass gets lighter the faster he goes.  There's no point in being giant if you don't run your weight, old son.  

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: Autumn Internationals, week two

Owen-Farrell

Farrell: essentially a cauliflower

Week two of the Autumn and it's joy for some and misery for plenty more, let's see what the computer made of it. Who was either side of the judgement line for you this week?

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Owen Farrell – The Saracen is not the most mercurial player in the world, in fact he has the creative instincts of a cauliflower; but this could be let go as he was building towards being a decent functional organiser at this level, a St Jonny Of Wilkinson lite to do the necessary with a cool head.  This week he couldn't do that either, which basically means he's a cauliflower and no-one wants that.

Billy Vunipola – All the carrying power and breakdown tenacity of a marshmallow on a roller skate.  The computer has come to the conclusion that he's a better impact player off the bench, running at tired legs and shoulders and also that he needs to improve his conditioning as he looks like he's no stranger to the Bargain Bucket at the minute.  The entire England back row could be in here, by the way.

SHIT/GOOD Ratings: Autumn Internationals, Week 3

JP Pietersen: Twat

You all saw the scores in the matches at the weekend, but now the real results are in. Give us your yap in the comments.

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Joel Tomkins – Lancaster gave him a crack, and it wasn’t a bad selection on the face of it, but after a full series he looks a long way short on pace, penetration and class. As an aside, anyone who watched his brother Sam’s performance for England RL cannot help but wonder what could have been if he was in the 13 shirt.

Devin Toner – As Crocks said on Twitter, “Ireland would have been better picking Peter Stringer in the 2nd row”.

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: Rugby Championship, Final Round

Kieran Read
Read: Coming to get ya!

It's been a while, so let's turn on the SG Computer to run its beady, lifeless eye over the Rugby Championship weekend.  Let's have yours in the comments.

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The dawning realisation that you won't see as good a game as Boks vs NZ for a long time – Arse.

Morne Steyn – Predictable in his kick-run-pass options, resolutely sticking to the pass most of the time when a bit of his trademark tactical approach would've perhaps one better for his team.  Missed a couple of kicks as well.