Blood and Mud

Lesley Vainikolo has a ruck that involves the rozzers

Big Les obviously got a little overexcited after his GOOD performance against Dragons on Saturday, as his hubris spilled over into punching people outside of nightclubs in Bath - and he didn't even have the excuse of the bloke he hit being Stan Collymore.  The police have bailed the giant winger without charge while they continue their enquiries.   

We have no idea what it was all about, although his club have "no reason to believe it involved another rugby player".  I'm willing to put money on it having something to do with a KFC burger, one of the great loves of Les's life.  Believe us, if someone touched his Zinger at closing time they would be entering a world of pain.

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings - 26 October

SHIT

Harry Ellis - Outplayed by Jason Spice at the Arms Park and has lost his mojo this season. Ordinarily this would not be a problem for him, but this year his average form has coincided with Danny Care playing like a superman.

Bristol - All of them are in this category for not managing to muster a single point as they were hammered by the Scarlets. Now, we all knew that they were scripted to lose at the farewell to Stradey Park match, but there was no obligation to shred their own dignity at the same time.

Dylan Hartley - Ran around like a Tasmanian Devil with road rage for most of the game against Saracens before then attempting to decapitate Moses Rauluni. Bearing in mind he already has a six-month ban behind him in his short career his attitude is beyond stupid.

GOOD

Nicky Robinson - An outstanding win by the Blues at home to Leicester was down to many factors; Blair's kicks, Jamie Roberts' power up the middle to name a couple. But the main performance of note was that of Nicky Robinson, who marshalled the Cardiff side with aplomb. Could it be that at 26 he is finally fulfilling the great promise he has shown since debuting as a teenager?

Timoci Nagusa - Ulster beat Munster. Let's write that again - ULSTER BEAT MUNSTER - and no-one was more instrumental than the Fijian winger who crossed twice and Ravenhill to secure the shock victory.

Lesley Vainikolo - Two tries from the Tonglish Torpedo meant that Glaws rescued a win and their dignity from the jaws of defeat at home to Gwent Dragons. He seems to be slowly finding his feet now that the England spotlight has been pointed elsewhere

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings - EDF Energy Cup, Round One

As previously discussed the EDF Energy Cup is SHIT, but it was a bumper weekend of fixtures and it is still our duty to bring you the latest analysis from our computer.  This week we have added a Commodore 64 motherboard to it, meaning it can now make the data flash as it is processed.

SHIT
Wasps - Cannot single out a single player.  Last Friday at Welford Road was obviously a false start, the whole team were utterly clueless at Kingsholm as they went down to Gloucester.  The relatively close scoreline flattered the London side, who were without imagination, composure and even enough power.

Ryan Jones - Such a good player last year, but had the heady mix of a quiet game with the ball and a lively game with the ref's whistle against Harlequins.  Gave away a lot of penalties, a few more like this and his status of Lions captain-elect could end up in the rugby equivalent of a Florida postal-vote scandal

Nigel Owens - The Welsh ref and part-time comedian leaned more towards the latter on Saturday. Sin-binned five in the Northampton vs Bristol game, all for breakdown related stuff. It's bad enough that refs can no longer use their brains because of IRB protocols, but to have that many players sent from the field is just silly. 

GOOD
Leslie Vainikolo - Finally looked like the player he was in RL.  Scored a try, some big hits in defence, clever off-loads in the tackle, snappy pass for Walker's try and even kicked a couple of balls well.  Is this the performance that really starts his union career?  Probably not, but well done anyway

Miles Benjamin - Two tries for the Worcester Warriors 20-year-old in their demolition job on London Irish demonstrating his great promise.  Irish were so SHIT they had to rely on Peter Richards to get their points.

James Hook - Remember him?  Ran the midfield for Ospreys and in a close match his kicking was the clinching factor in the victory over Harlequins.  Could this be the season when he finally regains his 2006 mojo?

Who were your SHIT and GOOD players this weekend? Let us know in the comments.

A Farrell plays for Saracens and doesn't get injured!

The Farrell Boys:  Unlikely to get a contract with Hugo Boss

Saracens may have lost today to a faultless kicking display by Stephen Jones for the Scarlets, but they will take heart that Farrell managed to to get on for 17 minutes without getting injured.  Not too much though, as the Farrell in question was Owen, the son of RL legend and physio-room junkie Andy, who today became the youngest ever player to turn out in the EDF Energy Cup.  Is that not the most undewhelming record you have ever set your eyes on or what?

But take nothing away from the young fella, he's obviously a talent and I doubt Eddie Jones is playing the young inside-centre simply because of who his father is.

However, we predict confused ructions in the Farrell household in the future:

Andy: No, you're not bloody going to training.  You won't show me up in public by nicking my place
Owen: But Dad!  Eddie says I'll be back in the Academy if I don't train hard!
Andy: Did he now?  Well, we'll see about that!  I'll teach him to have a go at my son.
Owen: NIce one dad, I might get in the first team now.
Andy: No chance son.  You won't be training if you end up embarrassing me by sliding into the team!
Owen: But I have to go to traing, as we discussed about 10 seconds ago.
Andy: My brain hurts.  Go to your room!

It's EDF Energy Cup time! Please try and stay awake

The EDF Energy Cup, that jumps into the fixture list like an unwelcome uncle drunkenly falling off his stool at a christening, is a strange beast full of contradictions.  It is quite low profile yet it manages to displace an entire weekend of Premiership fixtures to midweek kick-offs; it is a domestic cup that has a stupid Euro-style group stage; and no-one really gives a shit about it, despite it being quite a decent money-spinner with the added pot of gold that is a Heineken Cup place for the winner.

This is the final year the tournament will exist in its current format, with Premier Rugby talking about moving it to run simultaneously with the two major international windows in the season - autumns and Six Nations.  So, when the ties take place all of the major players in the big teams will be off playing for their countries, leaving squad players and youngsters to contest the Anglo-Welsh cup. Thus the organisers have ensured it officially becomes the second-rate competition we already know it to be.

Still, this weekend the group stage starts.  Fixtures plus our previews and predictions are after the jump.  What are your views on the EDF?  Is it worthwhile, or a waste of elite players' time?  Give it to us with both barrels in the comments.

Friday, 03 October 2008
Newport-Gwent Dragons v Newcastle, 19:05.  This one is like that film Clash of the Shitans.  Toss a coin and see who is least rubbish.  We're going with Newport by 10 as they are at home.

Saturday, 04 October 2008
Bath v Leicester, 14:15  Bath looked sharp against Wasps, but Leicester's squad depth in this busy week could have the edge.  Leicester by 3.

Gloucester v Wasps, 14:30  Spluttering start by Gloucester this year, paralysed start by Wasps.  Cipriani will be on the bench, and Shaun Edwards has said Wasps are taking the competition seriously this year.  Wasps by 5.

Northampton v Bristol, 15:00 Saints have finally found a kicker, are playing at home and Bristol are garbage.  Northampton by 10

Sale v Cardiff Blues, 15:00  Sale will be smarting after having their arse handed to them by Irish this week, but should still have enough at home to see off the Blues.  Sale by 7.

Sunday, 05 October 2008
Ospreys v Harlequins, 15:05  Quins have been mighty impressive so far this season, but so have the ever classy Ospreys, who have also picked a very strong team and are at home.  Ospreys by 10.

Saracens v Scarlets, 15:00  Newly-monikered Scarlets are in somthing of a transitional stage this term, and you never know which Saracens team will turn up week to week.  But we reckon the winning one will be in attendance at Vicarage Road.  Sarries by 5.  

Worcester v London Irish, 15:00  Irish will be riding the crest of a wave after the clinical dismantling they executed against Sale on Wednesday, and Worcester still have a depleted backline due to injuries.  Exiles by 10.

Video: Amazing Rory Lamont try vs Cardiff

EDF Energy Cup, 26th October.  Sale lost this game, but you'll have to go a very long way to see a try as good as this one.