Blood & Mud

RBS 6 Nations Match Previews in 140 characters or less

Twitter is worth more than Jonny Wilkinson's 2002 aura these days, so let's have a go at previewing the weekend's action within their arbitrary limits.  Have a try yourselves in the comments.

Italy vs England - Scrumfest, maladroit passing, tense finish involving place kicks and reduced hyperbole and optimism.

Fra vs Ire - Fra dominate scrum, parity in lineout, Fofana shows up D'Arcy, France win due to Ire shocking record in Paris + being better

Wales vs Scotland - Wales win because they are playing Scotland at home.

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SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: RBS 6 Nations, round one

Our stab at who's worth your time and who's worth a kicking after the weekend.  Don't forget to add your nominations in the comments, or I'll send 

SHIT

Phil Dowson - After wanting him in a white shirt for so long, it hurts a great deal to have him in this section, but it cannot be denied that he was poor and outplayed by a child (see below).  Ben Morgan will likely start against Italy.

Scotland line-breakers - If any one of them would have made a single decision that was the correct side of "why the fuck did you do that?" then Scotland would have run out very comfortable winners.

Sean O'Brien - He justifies his 7 shirt thus; lack of fetching skills offset by carrying the ball like an angry rhinocerous who's just received a tax bill.  He's maintaining the former but failing in the latter. 

Ben Youngs - All at sea at the minute, and while this blog still believes that he still has an enormous future, he needs to be left out for a bit to get some form and confidence back.

GOOD

Mouritz Botha - It was a weekend when people with comical hair impressed greatly, and the erstwhile Saffer was among the best of them.  Carried and hit hard, and will cause some selection headaches when Lawes is fit again.  Could England select both?

George North - Let's just remind ourselves again that this lad is 19.  His basics are fantastic, when he carries the ball he is fearsome - as Fergus McFadden and Rob Kearney will testify, and that offload for the second Davies try showed a sublime level of skill and composure.  NINETEEN!  

Warren Gatland - Completely took the wind out of Sonia McLoughlin's journalistic sails by replying "yes" when asked if Bradley Davies should have had a red card.  Honestly like this from coaches is what every sport needs.

Luke McLean - On a day when Italy's pack did the decent job we all expect, the beardy winger was the only back to really show any kind of adventure or flair.

Louis Picamoles - If you're going to drop big Imanol, you'd best make sure whoever comes in is bloody good.  He was.

David Denton - Has civil servant's name and looks like an extra from Fast Times At Ridgemont High, but my word he can play, eh?

Conor Murray - Ireland's young scrum-half was lively all game.

Rugby Video: Top 6 Nations tries from each team

Stuart Barnes might be a large ball of pompous gas these days, but check out his skills in the England try!

Which is your favourite?  Hard to see past Phil Bennett, what a player that man was. 

RBS 6 Nations Preview: France

Look at him! How could anyone not select him?

"Ding Dong the witch is dead! The insane witch is dead!"  So sang the munchkins of France when Marc Lievremont shuffled out of the door, probably muttering something about no-one understanding the nature of his special genius.  

In his stead the FFR have gone for the Anti-Lievremont - the sensible Phillipe Saint-Andre.  However, for all his challenging team selections, Mad Marc managed to climb out of his bag of monkeys long enough to win a Grand Slam and reach a World Cup Final , which despite a team on the verge of Bountyesque mutiny, and a biased ref,  lost it by only a single point.

The sensible thinking is that if Lievremont could achieve that, then imagine what someone as normal as Saint-Andre could do?  But, his first team selection has left out our rugby-crush Morgan Parra, therefore this blog is arbritrarily declaring him to be clueless.

Despite this gratuitous Parra snub, France should still win this.  Their forwards look powerful and canny, and also feature the incredible Dusautoir and Bonnaire; uncapped Wesley Fofana in the centre is exciting and surrounded by an ocean of experience that should cushion his class into this level.  And, perhaps most significantly, inexplicable hairball Yoann Huget has been flirted out.

Prediction: 1st

Best Named Player: Imanol Harinordoquy - did you really expect anyone else?

We All Want To See: Wesley Fofana.  And Morgan Parra, obviously.

Bloodandmud.com (predictably daft) predictions for 2012

"Haskell-San no more want to run at people, he want make paper beauty of him own self"

1. IRB to address the scrum issue; ruling that all scrums will now require the forwards to make a heap of bodies on the floor while a back either quick-taps or kicks for touch. This will save 3.4 years in lost game time across an average season.

2.  Rob Andrew will chair a press conference about the Olympics; he will have an official badge on and speak with great confidence about what his role at the 2012 Games does not involve.  After an hour of questioning no-one will be any clearer about what he was doing there.

3.  Dan Parks will be replaced as a Scotland impact sub by an upturned yard brush stuck in the ground.  No-one will notice.

4.  The national press's main rugby writers will publish a "My Current Lions Fifteen" column every hour, on the hour, for what will seem like the whole of eternity.

5.  Stuart Lancaster will select a young and promising squad.  They will lose by 3 points in Rome on the opening weekend on the Six Nations, prompting the recall of Simon Shaw, Mike Tindall, Phil Vickery and Dean Richards.  Stephen Jones of The Times will blame it all on rugby league.

6.  Wales will win the Six Nations. Or at least they should.  If they don't then Gatland, Edwards et al need a good hiding.  (NB.  The blog is not voluteering to carry this out)

7.  Ireland will cope without the injured semi-deity O'Driscoll as his dad will send a certain ancient carpenter who happens to be a handy outside centre down to plug the gap.  They never mentioned that in the good book or at mass, did they?

8. Phillipe Saint-Andre will introduce consistency of selection to the French team, this will bore the players and they will resort to performing show tunes in defence.  Marc Lievremont will be seen smiling in the crowd.

9. Inspired by Tom Cruise in the "The Last Samurai", Haskell-San will go native and be unavailable for England selection due to dedicating his next twelve months to making origami sculptures of himself in various masculine poses.

Give us your predictions in the comments.  

Thanks for your attention, comments and interest in 2011; your patronage of this simple little blog is always appreciated and never taken for granted.

Look forward to seeing you all here again in 2012.  Happy New Year! 

Rugby Video: Imanol Harinordoquy's dad invades pitch to help his lad out in a fight

Only in rugby could this happen.  Moreover, only in French rugby could this happen.

Fair play to the man for trying, but to say he didn't offer much in the way of pugilistic ability is an understatement.

Bet he could still take Iain Balshaw, though.

Rugby Video: Zinzan Brooke admits that the New Zealand should not have won the Rugby World Cup

Sort of.

“For more insights and analysis from the Heineken Ambassadors into Rugby World Cup 2011 in New Zealand, please visit www.thisisthegame.com.”

The only adequate response to the France haka fine is...

...to show this video again.  Note how the NZ players are not even facing the opposition during this "challenge" they are laying down, they are facing the stands.

Why? because the Haka used to be a bit of novel entertainment for the crowd, and we all enjoyed it to be fair.  This was until some overly earnest people and, of course, the sponsors got hold of it and turned into into a quasi-religious ceremony that sucked all the joy from it.

Kiwis will tell us that our joy is nothing to do with it, that they perform it for cultural reasons and if we don't like it then tough.  Fine, but if such pre-match rituals are important to the All Blacks, or any other nation with such a tradition, and nothing to do with entertainment or the crowd, then logic dictates that they should do it in their dressing room.  This would put an end to the frequent palaver that oppositions reactions to it cause, such as that which the IRB have created with France this week.

Fact is, the only people who really want to see the haka are people who take a passing interest in the game of Rugby.  It's neither entertaining for, nor wanted by most serious rugby fans.

As a perfect example of this, my mum rang me the night before the RWC Final to ask me what time it kicked off, when I pointed out my surprise that she wanted to watch it she responded with, "I don't, I just want to watch the haka."

Rugby World Cup Final: Most Deserving Team 9 – 8 XV Angry Men

By Boris, our resident Frenchman

Merde! Merde, merde, merde, merde, merde. So the ”worst team to ever make it to a RWC final”  gave us one of the best finals ever played. Maybe the best. Who knew? I’m shattered, and frankly I feel very, very Welsh today (mental note to self: ask wife for a vintage Wales jersey at sports-depoque.com for Xmas). Close, but no cigar for France. To the AB’s: congratulations and well done. The most deserving team in the history of the game got the cup back after 24 agonizing years. I’m happy for the Kiwis, I truly am, although my heart won’t stop bleeding for some time, seeing how close France were to become champions.

It took me all of 20 seconds to know that something special was brewing. The time to see half the French crying during the anthems. Immediate reaction: we’ve just morphed into Argentina, and being the emotional latin animals that we are, I just knew that this kind of emotion brings out the best in French teams. Then, there was the way they fronted the Haka. Well, that was quite a moment wasn’t it? Dusautoir’s face when they were all holding hands forming a V told everything.  And then the way they marched on to find themselves in the NZ half of the pitch, that was a statement of intent. I’m sure the old farts at the IRB will slap a penalty on France for doing this, but stuff them. France showed respect when accepting the challenge, and then laid down a challenge of their own. Fair enough. France is not always the best of rugby nations, but you can count on them to come up with something dramatic for big occasions.

After that, no wonder that the game itself was so ferocious. The intensity was very high in the AB’s-Wallabies, semi, but this was up one notch again. And, surprise, surprise, France played. And played well to boot. Against any other team, they would probably have scored more tries, but the Kiwi defense was outstanding. Likewise the French defense when the AB’s had their own sequences in attack. As the first half was building, I kept saying to myself: we’re in this game. The AB’s were not too flash, and Weepu was morphing into James Hook. Just enough to sow some seeds of doubts in the normally formidable machine wearing black. And then France made a bad, bad mistake defending on a lineout close to their line. They opted to contest the throw in two blocks, leaving a huge gap for Woodcock to score. Now, this is the kind of stuff you can do when defending 30 metres out, but surely not 5 meters out of your line, where all players should have lined up to defend against a maul. This cost us, very, very dear, and gave NZ some breathing space at half time.

By then, both starting fly-halves were gone. Parra copped a knee to his face by McCaw. Said McCaw being the best player of the last decade, I always wonder if things ever happen by accident with him. After all, this was our most consistent kicker lying  on the floor. But I watched some replays, and it really looks like he his focusing at cleaning out Dusautoir and going for the ball. So, in my book, this was an accident. Poor Cruden then proceeded to do his knee and Donald was in. I live 10,000 km from Auckland, but I swear I could hear the collective gasp of the entire New Zealand population when he got on the field. This guy has been vilified by Kiwi supporters and journos alike for the past 2 years. Last year, a journo wrote he shouldn’t even get close to seeing a black jersey, nevermind wearing one. The same hack probably hails him as a hero today.

Back after half time, the intensity did not drop. Some good pressure from the Kiwis saw them rewarded by a penalty, and it was 8-0 afterDonald knocked it over. But credit to France, they refused to die, and after some good attacking work, they finally got rewarded through the player who deserved it most, Captain Thierry. Converted, that brough France back to 1 point. The faces in the AB’s coaching team were pale beyond white. They pushed this big, red button with “Panic” written on it, and proceeded to empty their bench. At this stage, I reckon they were seriously shitting themselves, way more than they’d care to admit post game.

France kept on applying pressure, but the Men in Black did not crack, except when they gave away a penalty with 15 minutes to go. Much to my amazement, Trinh Duc lined up to kick it. WTF?!? The guy is not even the regular kicker in his club, has never kicked for France before, and he’s the one kicking this? When Yachvili is still on the pitch? This defied belief, so I just knew something bad was going to happen, and soon enough the ball was flying right of the posts. By then, I started to have a horrible feeling in my gut: Joubert did not look like penalizing the AB’s even for blatant offeces, so missing that rare penalty was bad, and so it proved. The Blacks managed to hang on to their lead despite some good effort from France, a bit like France did to Wales last week. I guess what goes around comes around, and you cannot always count on luck to get you out of jail.

Pick of each teams: Woodcock, Thorn and the back row for the Blacks. Backline was solid if unspectacular for them, Weepu was shocking with the boot. Special mention to McCaw for his leadership, and an ability to be offside all the time and not get penalized. For France, Dusautoir was immense. Don’t think I’ve witnessed an individual performance sticking out of a WC final like his. I thought he outplayed McCaw, and this doesn’t happen often. Bonnaire, Nallet, Harinirdoquy not far behind. In the backs, Yachvili was good but why oh why didn’t he kick the penalty at 65 minutes? Much to my surprise, Rougerie had a good game at 13, he was rock solid. And Trinh Duc showed us the benefits of having a specialist flyhalf. He had a great game apart from that kick.

Now, a few words on the referee. As a matter of fact, I thought Joubert refereed the French really well. It’s just a shame he did not referee New Zealand at all. Can’t understand the first penalty at scrum against France when Franks was clearly boring in and down. Then, it was a free ride for McCaw at ruck time. I understand the guy is more talented than most at getting away with murder, but some stuff was really blatant. Then there were the crooked throws in the lineout that went unnoticed, which is hardly the hardest part of the game to referee. And a few high tackles or shoulder charges that should have been penalized as well. If anyone wants to show an aspiring player what it means to have the home advantage with a ref, this game would serve as a good example.

Having said that, even if some decisions were dubious and really harsh against France, I do not feel it was daylight robbery. Not like in 1995 when Bevan stole the semi-final from France so that Clint Eastwood could make a movie. It’s disappointing that a ref has so much influence on the outcome of a final, but it’s part of the game, like the wind or the rain. No point bleating against Joubert, who is a very good ref under normal circumstances. With or without him, France had their chances and could not take them. I have to take a bite off the shit sandwich I served Wales with last week: we missed a kickable penalty, a relatively easy drop goal, and made a big defensive mistake on our line. It’s not the kind of things you can get away with at this level of competition, against the best team in the world.

Talking about shit sandwiches, I hope the TV pundits and journalists will have a rather large serving,  for yet again writing off a side before the game was played. It’s hard to believe these people actually get paid for coming up with that crap. Special mention  to Stephen Jones and Peter Bills,  the Laurel & Hardy of world rugby. Minus the humor.

Some parting words: as much as I love NZ and thought they were terrific hosts, I am disappointed they somewhat lacked class after their victory. They could have acknowledged France for pulling themselves together and giving them a run for their money. I’m disappointed that McCaw refused to swap jerseys with Bonnaire for the second time in two games. I understand he would want to keep the one for his 100^th cap, but discarding the same guy twice in a month is not in the spirit of the sport. Likewise, I don’t think I’ve heard any Kiwi thanking Jo Maso for allowing them to play in black despite winning the toss for the jerseys. There is positively no chance that, in a final played between the two teams in France, they would have allowed us to play in blue in similar circumstances.

It was a fitting end to a marvelous competition. If you’d asked me before the tournament what I’d wish in my craziest dreams, I would have said a NZ-France final, with a narrow Kiwi victory and a magnificent Frace side. I got just that. I’m inconsolable that France did not win, as this type of occasion does not present itself very often, but in my heart of heart, I know the turds wearing blazers at the FFR do not deserve a world cup victory. Neither does the second division coach who has been in charge for 4 years. At least not ahead of a Kiwi federation that makes most of the right calls, and the best coaching unit in world rugby. At least the players have restored their reputation and can fly back home with their head held high. If you’d told me as much on the day after we lost to Tonga, I would have laughed and adviced to take your pills.

Now, I have to get back to life without the world cup.  It sucks. But it has an upside: Lievremont is no longer in charge. This almost, almost makes my day. Well, not really, but let’s pretend anyway.

 

Rugby World Cup Final Preview: France vs New Zealand

Cruden: "Well I should be nervous yeah, but have you seen the shite we're playing?"

So it all comes down to this. After six weeks and a great deal of matches we're left with a giant, black clothed monolith of punishment and guile, playing at home, versus some blokes who hate their coach, lost against Tonga, and only just scraped past a 14-man opposition in the semi because Wales couldn't find a single bloke who had any kind of sentient link between his eyes and his foot.

We're all praying for one of those French miracles that occasionally happen against the All Blacks.  But, as anyone who has tried it knows, praying is a bit like masturbating: it makes you feel good for a bit but does nothing to bring the scenario that is the focus of your actions any closer to fruition in reality.

Some are clinging to the fact that France were competitive against the Kiwis for twenty minutes in the group game, althought this theory is flawed slightly by the mauling NZ gave them EVERY TIME they got the ball.  Beyond that there is very little point in analysing this match as in every area France should get prison shamed.

I'm sorry to be so negative, but I expect this final to be the dampest squib since Jonny Wilkinson wiped his brow on a copy of a Haynes manual for a Toyota Corolla.

B&M Prediction: All Blacks by 20

Spotter's Badge:  Ma'a Nonu runs one of his angles and breaks into so much open space that he claims it as an extension of his iwi's land.

New Zealand: Israel Dagg; Cory Jane, Conrad Smith, Ma'a Nonu, Richard Kahui, Aaron Cruden, Piri Weepu, Tony Woodcock, Keven Mealamu, Owen Franks, Brad Thorn, Sam Whitelock, Jerome Kaino, Richie McCaw (capt), Kieran Read

Replacements: Andrew Hore, Ben Franks, Ali Williams, Adam Thomson, Andy Ellis, Stephen Donald, Sonny Bill Williams

France: Maxime Medard; Vincent Clerc, Aurelien Rougerie, Maxime Mermoz, Alexis Palisson; Morgan Parra, Dimitri Yachvili; Jean-Baptiste Poux, William Servat, Nicolas Mas, Pascal Pape, Lionel Nallet, Thierry Dusautoir (capt), Julien Bonnaire, Imanol Harinordoquy

Replacements: Dimitri Szarzewski, Fabien Barcella, Julien Pierre, Fulgence Ouedraogo, Jean-Marc Doussain, Francois Trinh-Duc, Damien Traille