Blood and Mud

RBS 6 Nations Preview: France vs Italy, Stade de France, Sunday 14:30

Mathieu Bastareaud is not playing.

This will not make a difference.

France are going to win by shitloads.

Thankyou.

Stade accuse England of possibly breaching Article 5 of the European Convention on Human Rights

Well, sort of.

I know what you're thinking, "I didn't know the ECHR mentioned being forced to watch crap rugby", and although England's play could come under the meaning of cruel and unusual punishment for the viewing public, that is not what we are talking about.  No, this is about the increasingly hysterical situation with James "James Haskell" Haskell.

Stade mouthpiece Max Guazzini has stated that the RFU is "keeping Haskell prisoner" and he has asked the Six Nations committee to punish them.  Surely the Stade owner is setting his sights too low with the Six Nations commitee, when the European Court in Strasbourg (right) could be the way forward? 

Article 5 of the ECHR states that everyone has a right to liberty, thus only by a correct legal authorisation procedure can you deprive a person of their liberty.  Guazzini could argue, as in Ashingdane vs UK (ECHR, 1985), that Haskell is under such close supervision and control in the England camp that he is effectively deprived of his liberty; or as in Guzzardi vs Italy (1980) that his confinement to a specific area, i.e. Pennyhill Park, is tantamount to a deprivation. 

The problem with this is that, should Mad Max win, and Haskell is returned to Stade, then England could start the whole procedure again accusing the French team of the same.

Some of you may think this an over-reaction, but judging by the media coverage, and the behaviour of all the parties involved, this is a case of grave seriousness that must be treated accordingly.  In no way is it a pointless flexing of egos over a player who is a little bit on the shit side.  No.  No way.

Rugby and human rights law, a heady cocktail you will only find on this blog.

For some reason people are arguing over James Haskell

Anonymous England back-row James Haskell is being told to return to his club, and they will not take non for an answer.

There is much lawyer and agent bitching going on about what his England release agreement says, but perhaps the most terrifying comment has come from the player's agent. "James will be as available for England duty as often as any player based in the Premiership.". Shiver.

England should want him to go back, as it might be an opportunity for him to remember how to play rugby again. Clue; it involves holding the ball and running in the shortest route to the opposition. Fast.

If any of you fancy braving the late Edinburgh winter, you can still get tickets for Scotland vs England here, and also for France vs England here.

On Jerry Flannery's ludicrous ban (with video)

With the debate already raging in the comments here, I thought it best to have a proper post about this. Flannery was banned for six weeks on wednesday for this trip on France's Palisson (and by "trip" I mean "bludgeoning");  a ban which is wholly inadequate.

Our French friends of the blog have been quick to come back following the Attoub discussion to use this as yet more evidence of an anti-French agenda in the corridors of power.  I'm not so sure, it is more about incompetence and inconsistency rather than nationality-based prejudice.

There are some differences between the Flannery case and Dupuy/Attoub:

1) Flannery didn't gouge - On the scale of offences gouging is the most heinous at the minute, the Irishman simply wellied someone with such force that it lifted his victim off the ground.  Of course, in real life this would be Actual Bodily Harm, but on a rugby field it can be dressed up as a "misjudgement".  Utter nonsense, this was a vicious assault with zero justification; Palisson had the ball, and even if he didn't there is a difference between hacking a ball on and executing a manoeuvre akin to something from a Van Damme film.  Watch the video, Flannery had plenty of time to pull out but decided to scythe him down anyway.

2) Flannery was apologetic and owned up at the hearing - In any situation where you are being "tried" for a misdemeanour, owning up and saying you are sorry does shorten your sentence, fact.  It is the same in a court of law as it is in a workplace disciplinary - I spent some time as a full-time Trade Union rep so I have first hand experience of this being the case.  So it is natural that Flannery's confession and contrition would have a more positive effect on the outcome for him, rather than Attoub's "evasiveness" which contributed to his lengthy sanction.  By the way, I refuse to believe, as has been put forward by some, that Attoub's evasiveness was anything to do with a language barrier, he could easily have said to his interpretor, "Tell them I'm very very sorry and that it was stupid and I won't do it again."

Where the authorities have ballsed up here is in drawing distinctions between violent foul play of one sort or another and ranking them, e.g. gouging is worse than punching.  This is the fundamental flaw in their disciplinary approach.  The IRB need to give a very strong line that violent foul play - gouging, punching, stamping and kicking - should be treated as one and the same level of offence and treated accordingly.

Taking into account the offence and then his contrition, Flannery should have had a ban similar to Dupuy's, instead he will miss a few Six Nations matches. More worrying is that the disciplinary committee has told the rugby playing world that you can take a violent foul play action that could cripple someone, but they are not really that arsed about it.

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: RBS 6 Nations, round 2

Another week, another verdict

SHIT

Jonny Wilkinson - I don't care how much big game experience he has, or what England may feel they owe him after his injury years, he is woeful.  Stands too deep, kicks too often and mostly poorly, and simply cannot get a backline moving.  We have all been quick enough to have a pop at the forwards, and rightly so, but surely this is the time for us to take a serious look at St Jonny?  Just because he is finally fit, does not mean he should be the default setting.

England Management Omnishambles -  What exactly did they say at half-time?  Went in 6-6, playing abysmally against a poor Italy team and emerged to do exactly the same thing.  I can only assume they said "looking brilliant out there lads, keep it going".  Abject.

Scotland's resolve - As dazzling a game as that was, you have to say that Scotland did throw it all away.   After dominating most of the game when they had some tough luck with injuries, they fell apart discipline-wise from about the 65th minute onwards as the panic set in.  I suppose they will learn something from this.

Dishonourable mentions: Gareth Cooper (surely that is it now), Delon Armitage, Ireland's front five.  

GOOD

Shane Williams - Every time you think that maybe the magic has gone as his body ages slightly he proves you wrong.  Was at the heart of everything that was good about Wales' comeback, and once again proving that you don't have to be a 16-stone lump to be a top player at the top level.

Yannick Jauzion - Much of the build up focused on Bastareaud, but it was the seasoned rock-solid class act inside him that held it all together for the formidable French.  Puts me in mind of Walter Little, and you can't have much higher praise than that. 

Alessandro Zanni - Many players shoes are very hard to fill, and if you are Italian and you have to fill Sergio Parisse's shoes then it's a bit like a four-year-old putting on his dad's workboots.  However, the Treviso man was outstanding this weekend and gave Harinodoquy a run for his money as the best 8 on show.  Carried like a man possessed, played cleverly in defence and ritually made a bit of a fool of Nick Easter.

Dan Parks - A friend of mine who is not a big rugby fan said to me on Saturday evening, "That Parks is a great player isn't he?"  Which sums up what the ScotsAussie did that afternoon.  Of course I responded with, "No, he's shit.  For some reason he was good today but it won't last".  I am cruel.

Honourable Mentions: Craig Gower (much better than last week and more go forward than Jonny), Luke McLean, Riki Flutey (a diamond in the SHIT), Leigh Halfpenny, Clement Poitrenaud

Agree?  Disagree? Give us your nominations and/or abuse in the comments.

Classic 6 Nations Video: Ireland suffer last minute heartbreak vs France, 2007

Apologies to all you Irish fans for this, but let's remind ourselves of when France broke Irish Grand Slam hearts back in 2007.  

Ireland were tipped to comfortably beat most in 2007. When they won in Cardiff in week one and O'Gara put Ireland 17-13 up with minutes remaining in this game at Croke Park it still looked like a decent prediction,  all they had to do was gather the restart and play out time.  Then this happened.  

Ireland won the Triple Crown, but finished second to France on a points difference of four, due to the Irish only managing to scrape past Scotland while the French mullered them on the final weekend. 

Once again, respect to the French commentators for not getting too carried away.

RBS 6 Nations preview: France vs Ireland, Stade de France, 16:30, Saturday

If Ireland are going to win an historic back-to-back Grand Slam then they are going to have to do it the hard way, by winning in both Paris and Twickenham, but it is certainly not beyond them.  Last week's showing against Italy may have been as turgid as they come, but it is very difficult to put any kind of decent rhythm into your play when the opposition are determined to turn the game into a soul-splintering slow-ball dirge.

France on the other hand were of course quite impressive against the Scots, however it is easy to forget that the Scots made more line-breaks than any other team last week, and that in Lamont and Barclay they also had the biggest carriers.  Thus this French team is not impenetrable, and if Ireland can play to their potential this could be a humdinger.

The visitors can call on pretty much a full strength team, with Eyeballs Ferris returning to the back-row and Keith Earls preferred to Andrew Trimble on the wing.  Sexton is back on the bench and we all look forward to whatever cameo role he may be given.

France have lost a few players, but amazingly look little weaker because of it, due to their quality in depth.  Clerc replaces Rougerie and Pascal Pape replaces former Grange Hill headmistress Mrs Millo-Chlusky.  The one weak link could be Brive's Alexis Palisson on the wing, who is lacking a bit of experience and looks like one of the Jonas Brothers.

B&M Prediction: Sticking my neck out a bit - Ireland by 5

Spotter's Badge: Frederic Michalak comes on and spanners his first three kicks in the opposite direction to which way he intends them to go, prompting the commentator's to use words like "mercurial" when they should be saying words like "shit"

TEAMS:

France: Clement Poitrenaud (Toulouse); Vincent Clerc (Toulouse), Mathieu Bastareaud (Stade Francais), Yannick Jauzion (Toulouse), Alexis Palisson (Brive); Francois Trinh-Duc (Montpellier), Morgan Parra (Clermont); Thomas Domingo (Clermont), William Servat (Toulouse), Nicolas Mas (Perpignan), Lionel Nallet (Racing Metro), Pascal Pape (Stade Francais), Thierry Dusautoir (capt, Toulouse), Fulgence Ouedraogo (Montpellier), Imanol Harinordoquy (Biarritz).
 
Replacements: Dimitri Szarzewski (Stade Francais), Sylvain Marconnet (Stade Francais), Julien Pierre (Clermont), Julien Bonnaire (Clermont), Frederic Michalak (Toulouse), David Marty (Perpignan), Julien Malzieu (Clermont).

Ireland: R Kearney (Leinster), T Bowe (Ospreys), B O'Driscoll (capt), G D'Arcy (both Leinster), K Earls, R O'Gara, T O'Leary (all Munster); C Healy (Leinster), J Flannery, J Hayes (both Munster), L Cullen (Leinster), P O'Connell (Munster), S Ferris (Ulster), D Wallace (Munster), J Heaslip (Leinster). 

Replacements: R Best, T Court (both Ulster), D Ryan (Munster), S O'Brien, E Reddan, J Sexton (all Leinster), P Wallace (Ulster).

Referee:  Wayne "Kiwi Favourite" Barnes

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: RBS 6 Nations, round 1

The first weekend of the championship has passed by with games that were, in the main, of questionable quality, but what did the SHIT/GOOD™ computer make of it all?  Don't forget, you can get full highlights of all the games in our Omnisport player over in the sidebar.

SHIT

Gareth Cooper - Questions were raised before the weekend as to just why he was getting a national start ahead of Richie Rees who is starting in front of him at Cardiff.  The answer is no clearer after a day on which he made very poor decisions and that Wales improved considerably when he was substituted.  Surely will not start against Scotland.

Delon Armitage - So often a wonderful counter-attacking full-back, and even spoke before the game about "taking the attack to Wales".  Didn't really see much of it though, did we?  Unless of course "taking the attack" is his way of saying, "aimlessy, pointlessly, and frustratingly hoofing the ball".

Italian rucks - Firstly it takes them a while to get the ball to the back of the ruck, then secondly they have a scrum-half who is about as keen to get things moving as truckers on a fuel protest.  This heady cocktail of SHIT creates a viewing experience so slow and lacking in entertainment it is almost as bad as watching Eyes Wide Shut. 

Simon Shaw - Unrecognisable from the player in the summer.  Not that surprising that at 36 he looks a little slow, more surprising is that he was very stupid at times.

Dishonourable mentions - Alain Rolland, the woman in the gospel choir who sang sharp all the way through God Save The Queen, Scotland's scrum in the absence of Reverend Murray, Alun Wyn Jones (obviously), Jamie Roberts, England's front row, Gareth Williams

GOOD

Mathew Tait - While not exactly being ground shaking in its wonder, this was a performance which finally put to bed that horror show in 2005.  Showed great composure and poise to do exactly the right thing for Haskell's second and game clinching try

Mathieu Bastareaud - He may be a liar and borderline clinically insane, but man this boy can play!

James Hook - Another position, another great performance.  If only the rest of the backline could have matched him.

Honourable mentions - James Haskell, Brian O'Driscoll, Kelly Brown, Steve Borthwick, Martyn Williams.

RBS 6 Nations preview: Scotland vs France, Murrayfield, 15:00, Sunday

He's back!  Lord of International Relations, Mathieu Bastareaud, finds himself back in the France team,  look out for him headbutting a bagpiper and blaming it on a Buckfast-swilling local. Marc Lievremont has also suprised me by giving Ben Cohen Aurelien Rougerie a start ahead of Vincent Clerc.

However, this is by the by, as failing one those famous French collective brainfarts Scotland are going to lose.  Their defeat of Australia in the Autumn was so heroic I wouldn't be surprised if Mel Gibson makes a film of it ("THEY CAN TAKE OUR RUCK BALL, BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR LINEOUT!"), but nine times out of ten, the Aussies would have won that game.  By contrast the French beat and narrowly lost to the All Blacks in New Zealand in the summer.

The French back-row is immense, and in Yannick Jauzion they have, for my money the best 12 in the world.  In contrast, the Scots have someone with a girl's first name at 6 and Phil Godman in the team.  Nuff said. 

I do always find myself being somewhat negative about the Scots, which some of you may feel is unreasonable.  As a rugby nation I have a great deal of time and fondness for Scotland, but the fact is that they are not very good, and I only deal in facts.

b&m.com prediction: France by 12

Spotter's badge:  Max Evans pointlessly sidesteps four times in the space of a square metre before being body clubbed by Bastareaud.

TEAMS

Scotland: 15-Chris Paterson, 14-Thom Evans, 13-Max Evans, 12-Graeme Morrison, 11-Sean Lamont, 10-Phil Godman, 9-Chris Cusiter (Captain), 8-Johnnie Beattie, 7-John Barclay, 6-Kelly Brown, 5-Alastair Kellock, 4-Nathan Hines, 3-Moray Low, 2-Ross Ford, 1-Alasdair Dickinson.
Replacements: 16-Scott Lawson, 17-Allan Jacobsen, 18-Richie Gray, 19-Alan MacDonald, 20-Rory Lawson, 21-Alex Grove, 22-Hugo Southwell.

France: 15-Clement Poitrenaud, 14-Benjamin Fall, 13-Mathieu Bastareaud, 12-Yannick Jauzion, 11-Aurelien Rougerie, 10-Francois Trinh-Duc, 9-Morgan Parra, 8-Imanol Harinordoquy, 7-Fulgence Ouedraogo, 6-Thierry Dusautoir (captain), 5-Pascal Pape, 4-Lionel Nallet, 3-Nicolas Mas, 2-William Servat, 1-Thomas Domingo.
Replacements: 16-Dimitri Szarzewski, 17-Luc Ducalcon, 18-Julien Pierre, 19-Julien Bonnaire, 20-Frederic Michalak, 21-David Marty, 22-Vincent Clerc.

Ref: Nigel "Sarcastic Lecture" Owens

Classic Six Nations Video: Dominici scores against England, 1998

This is an absolutely superb try and a perfect demonstration of how to convert decent set-piece possession on the 22 into maximum points.  Dominici finally wriggles over after some good old hit-and-rucking leads to some sublime hands across the backline.  

It is touchdowns like this, and the promise of further like it, that keep us watching the game.  Also, check out the french commentator, who sounds like he is frighteningly close to a coronary.