Blood & Mud

It could have been worse

Not a whole lot worse, admittedly, but it could have been worse for South Africa. After last week's drubbing by Australia, coming up against an All Black side at almost full strength could've been terminal for the Springboks. The last minute positional switch that saw Morne Steyn move to fullback and Patrick Lambie take his place at fly half belied their concern and lack of clear tactical thinking, and they failed to compete in any aspect of the game, but at least they only lost by 33 points.

On the other hand, that's exactly the sort of thing that we used to say about Italy and, frankly, the current Italian side would give these second-rate Springboks a shellacking, too.

For what it is worth, then,this is what we learned this weekend:

History really does repeat

How appropriate that the 'Boks decided to visit the homeland of Split Enz in order to prove this. Just like last week, they held out for ten minutes, then conceded a try wide out on the right to a prop forward, and then were totally surprised when, from the ensuing kick-off, their opponents ran the ball back at them and their left winger scored. It was as if the entire team had thought "That's not going to happen again, we can switch off for five minutes or so".

It doesn't matter how many fly halves you play

South Africa tried to get around the fact that one of their fly halves can't kick and the other one can't run by playing both of them. This doesn't work because (a) your opponents know what is going to happen depending upon which of them is standing in the fly half position (b) there's a risk that you leave a great big hole where the full-back should be (c) Morne Steyn forgot his kicking boots (d) neither Steyn nor Lambie are any good. Butch James, your stage awaits.

It should have been 51-7

Have you ever seen Daniel Carter miss four kicks in a game? Me neither.

Cory Jane might not even make it to the World Cup

This was Jane's tryout for a place in the final thirty and, frankly, he muffed it. He might have scored two tries, but apart from that all he proved is that he can run very fast in a straight line. The Springboks were so disorganised that he could have done anything, including running backwards in high heels, and still scored. This was a chance to show what else he could do - and he didn't.

It is still a numbers game

It rapidly became clear why there was all of the secrecy around the All Black shirts. Clearly, someone had forgotten that they needed numbers on the back, resulting in someone constructing them out of masking tape. That's what it looked like, at least. Unlike the South African shirts, upon which the numbers are so small and embarrassed looking, it is as if they were hoping to make them so small so that no-one could single out any one culprit for the performances on this tour. They failed.

The Nonu hair

Without the highlights, Ma'a Nonu definitely looks like one of Milli Vanilli

Alain Rolland won't be refereeing the next World Cup final

Not if he keeps penalising Ritchie McCaw, not on his home turf.

When rugby shirts went bad

 In years gone by, you knew where you were with rugby shirts.  They were in block colours and had not changed since public schoolboys took time out of desperately trying not to engage in sexual activity with each other and created the game of rugby instead.  

It was so simple back then.  England wore white, Wales red, Ireland green, Scotland navy and France royal blue; all of them had a badge on, a white collar and that was that.   It was also very rare that you would know who the manufacturer was as there was no logo, and anyone looking to the label for enlightenment would be led to believe that all shirts were made by a company called: "Large, Wash Colours Separately"

However, at some point in the early to mid-1990s this all changed.  The spectre of professionalism was looming large, and most unions and sports clothing manufacturers were sensing money to be made from the punters and so shirts began to change - and not for the better - as the marketing men moved in.  We have actually managed to get hold of the meeting minutes from each manufacturer at that period and here is a typical example after the jump.

Wales Kit Meet, 1992.

Mike Kristiansen outlined the proposal that we need to make kits more appealing and modern to consumers in order to boost revenue for both ourselves and the WRU.  This will need to identify with the potential consumer, capturing their imagination so that they not only wear the shirt of their nation with pride, but become stakeholders in the our brand, the lifestyle and the ethos of being winners. MK then opened the floor to the creative team.

Ethan Brownstick said, "Shall we just add some ugly stipes and shit to the arms?"

All agreed, meeting closed.

Thus it was that rugby kits were changed forever.  Only to return to something like the beauty of the basic kits some years later when some crap-haired and trendy spectacled marketing monkey went down the 'classic/retro' route.   

England's classic white was replaced by this monstrosity in the 1991 World Cup, closely followed by this minger, this disgrace and so on it went until this hate crime in 2007. 

Wales went for this green-collared, hoopy-sleeved nightmare, before realising the error of their ways and returning to some semblance of normality by the 2000s

Scotland somehow ended up having purple stripes in their shirt, before succumbing to a level of shirt-detail nonsense normally associated with Stade Francais.

France went all tricolour-striped on us, while Ireland thankfully resisted putting any gold or other daftness on their shirts for longer than anyone, but then caved and added white arm trims and side panels in the early 2000s.

Professionalism has brought many things that are good for the game;  Ooerly-fussy shirts made from fabrics with made up names like 'dri-fit' and 'pro-armour', that roughly translate as 'a bit like a pair of tights, only manly and that' are not one one them.  Especially seeing as some of them now retail and upwards of £90.  NINETY QUID!!

Autumn Internationals Kitwatch: England

The Autumn Internationals start at the weekend so let's take a look at the kits, starting with England.

The horrendous effort of the last two years, which featured a red flash across it like some wino had thrown paint over it, and the away kit that made them look like Swindon Town, is gone and in its place comes this.

The new shirt from Nike is a bit of a return to form I think as it is basically plain white, which is as it should be and also the right thing to do with England shirts.  Messing with what is the right thing to do is a dangerous business, one day it's too much colour on a rugby shirt and next thing people are ignoring the rule of law or selecting Jamie Noon.  Scary.

Available in "look at my pecs" pro-fit or the "please stop looking at my gut" looser fit from here.

KitWatch: British Lions 2009

It's that time again.  Christmas is coming, nights have drawn in and the great moneyspinning bohemoth that is the British Lions merchandising is about to kickstart. 

This is new Adidas shirt for the 2009 tour and thankfully they have kept it simple; no stripes all over the shop like in 2001, no stripes wrapping over the arm like in 2005, it's just a plain red shirt with proper stripes down the arm.  The last time we kept it this simple, in 1997, we won.  Coincidence?  I think not.

It's not available in the shops until December 11th, but you can pre-order it now from out friends over a Rugby Union Shirt.  Go on, you know it makes sense.

Guinness Premiership Kitwatch: Northampton Saints

Any of you lovely readers out there who like to gouge the odd eye can now dress the part by getting your socket-poking hands on the newly promoted Northampton shirt. 

Black, yellow and green has never ben a winning combination if you ask us, but then what do we know?  And, you have to have some love for any top made by a company called Rhino.   

This is available from Lovell Rugby for £49.99

Heineken Cup final KitWatch - Munster

The big one is here, and while every other rugby site focuses on tactics and the like, we here are looking at the real stuff - the kits.  You may say it's shallow, you may say it's pointless, but deep down you know you love it like taking a sneaky look at OK! magazine when your significant other is upstairs.

First up, the Munster shirt; and it's a belter.  Certainly the best shirt sponsored by a Japanese car firm that I have seen this side of Osaka.  It's a bit fitted though, so beware if you are of the cuddly physique, or buying for a boyfriend who may have his confidence destroyed when he sees your face as he tries it on.  You can pick this beauty up from our friends at Lovell Rugby, but hurry as stocks are running low.

Heineken Cup final KitWatch - Toulouse

As you know, Toulouse is only famous for two things:  sausages and rugby.  I know which one I prefer - the one that doesn't stink of garlic, have a strong texture and leaves you feeling rough after you've experienced it.  That's right, I prefer the sausages.  HONK!

But enough of this execrable attempt at humour, here is the Toulouse kit.  Again, it's a good one.  Looking at it, not only will this final be a battle between Irish and French rugby, it will also see the French and Japanes car industries face off on a field in Cardiff.  It's not often that happen, I'm sure you'll agree. 

This is the away kit, which I'm reliably informed Toulouse are wearing tomorrow.  Get hold of it here.

Video: New Zealand 18 - 20 France highlights

New zealand france
Uploaded by ALDO74

Rugby World Cup KitWatch: New Zealand

Unsurprisingly, the All Black kit is all black.  However, the real shirt story of this World Cup has been their awful grey change strip, and particularly how much it clashed with the equally hideous Scotland shirt at Murrayfield.  As the radio commentator said at the time, "And New Zealand have scored, or at least I think it was them".  Available at kitbag.com.

Rugby World Cup KitWatch: Fiji

I can just see the creatives at Kooga during the design meeting for this one

Julian "Fiji, they love their rugby.  Natural ability, flamboyance, Waisale Serevi, Caucau, pace, skill, speed; a treat for the imagination every time they play.  How can we sum all that up in a shirt?"

Josh "How about some blue bits on the arms and the sides"

Julian "Genius.  And people wonder why we get paid so much!"

No doubt they then guffawed al the way to a very trendy bar to snort jazz salt and intimidate vulnerable eastern European women.  As usual it's available at kitbag.com