Blood and Mud

Carlos Spencer - talent from another planet

Yes, Daniel Carter is the best in the world; yes, he has the quiet calm of a man floating on a plane higher than the rest of us; yes, he looks a lot like the lead singer from 80s band Brother Beyond.  But, and it's a big but, can he do this?  No, he can't.

I know I've had a pop at his craziness this week, but the minute people like King Carlos stop playing rugby is the same minute I stop watching.

Rugby video: Barbarians 25 - 18 New Zealand, highlights

Looks like our competition winners Simon Starr, Rebecca Gresham and Ken Starnes picked themselves a fabulous match to get jammy and win tickets to.  I knew I should have rigged the draw and gone myself...

Rugby Video: England vs New Zealand 2008, four English yellow cards

Just in case we think this Autumn is a praticularly bad one, let's have a look at the All Black game last year, when England had four (FOUR!) players yellow carded.

Preview: England vs New Zealand, Saturday, 2:30

Here is the England team; it features a complete lump in midfield, a giant lummox at blind side and a part-time full-back who is not very good even on the wing:

Cueto (Sale); Banahan (Bath), Hipkiss (Leicester), Erinle (Biarritz), Monye (Harlequins); Wilkinson (Toulon), Hodgson (London Irish); Payne (Wasps), Hartley (Northampton), Bell (Bath), Shaw (Wasps), Borthwick (Saracens, capt), Worsley (Wasps), Moody (Leicester), Haskell (Stade Francais).
Replacements: Thompson (Brive), Wilson (Bath), Deacon (Leicester), Croft (Leicester), Care (Harlequins), Geraghty (Northampton), Tait (Sale). 

Here is the New Zealand team:

Muliaina; Guildford, C Smith, Nonu, Sivivatu; Carter, Cowan; Woodcock, Hore, Franks; Thorn, Donnelly, Thomson, McCaw (capt), Read.
Replacements: Flynn or de Malmanche, Afoa, Boric, Kaino, Ellis, Donald, Ellison.

Cover your children's eyes, put your pets in the other room, tell your significant other to get the pillows ready to hide behind; it's going to be an insurance job on a terrifying scale.

Don't forget! You can win a pair of tickets to the Barbarians game....

Two of the world’s most famous rugby teams are due to renew their rivalry at Twickenham on December 5th, and after the Baa-baas beat the world champions two years ago, this promises to be a cracker.  

Among the first batch of stars to accept invitations to play for the world-famous club are Wallabies Matt Giteau and Stirling Mortlock, Springboks Bryan Habana and Victor Matfield, and the Pumas' mercurial madman, Juan Martin Hernandez. Taking charge of the squad's preparation will be Italy's national coach Nick Mallett, who has assured us that no flankers will be playing scrum-half, assisted by Alan Solomons. 

To celebrate this occasion, we have 3 pairs of tickets to give away.  Just answer the following question; 

In which year did Gareth Edwards score "that" famous try against the All Blacks?

a) 1978
b) 1973
c) 1975 

Please email your answers to this address, ensuring that you put 'Barbarians comp' in the title. 

Winners will be informed two weeks before match day. Tickets are now on sale via ticketmaster.co.uk or on 0844 847 2492.  Prices range from £35 to £65 for adults, £17.50 to £32.50 for juniors (under-16) and special family tickets (two adults, two juniors) at £31.25

SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: Autumn Internationals, week 1

It finally started and now we can see how it turned out.  No, not the matches, the SHIT/GOOD™ computer. Don't forget that you can see highlights of the England game in the video player in the sidebar.

SHIT

Ugo Monye - He is not a full-back, and any moron who thinks he's a better option than living room singing superstar Ben Foden is, well, a moron. The crowning turd of his fetid performance had to be the "tackle" on Ashley-Cooper.

Matt Banahan - I don't care how big and quick he is, when it takes a person 4.2 kilometres to get up to top speed they are not an international winger. He looked a lot like Andy Farrell out there, pace-wise. Also has no step or kicking game, tools that are pretty much necessary at this level.  Horrendously exposed. 

Wales under high balls - Looked like a game of pinball every time any one of their back three tried to catch one.

Wales at breakdown - We all know that NZ are a decent counter-rucking side, but they are not as good as the Welsh pack made them look.

England creativity -  Back play was more lateral than a drunk teenager at the end of the pub crawl and the forward play had about as much dynamism as my grandad attempting to work an iPhone. 

International Rugby - Let's face it, not exactly wonderful adverts for the sport were they?

Sky commentators - Yes, we get it, you are pleased Jonny Wilkinson is back.

England's Tracksuits - Looking like a gang of background dancers from Beat Street is not the way to go fellas

GOOD

Gethin Jenkins - Gets better and better all the time.  Like a rampaging pig all over the park and as good as anyone in the tight.  Wales missed Adam Jones, but it is hard to fathom the impact that this bloke missing a game would have on them.

Lewis Moody - I take it all back.

Jonny Wilkinson - Pretty decent all round performance on his return, but hardly the second coming of Christ as Sky would like to have us all to believe.

Jamie Roberts - picked up where he left off pre-injury, which is nice.

Will Genia - Since Gregan retired there has been a void where an Australian scrum-half to hate and admire in equal measure should be, this lad looks like he could be the answer.

David Wilson - Quietly did a decent job and all of a sudden the post-Vickery world does not seem quite so worrying for England fans. 

What/who are your nominations?  Let me have the full force of your SHIT/GOOD™ reckonings in the comments. 

THE COMPARISON: Wales vs New Zealand, Sat 17:15

Once again we use the modern wonder that is "a table" to analyse the strengths of two teams and pick a winner. 

	All Blacks		Wales
Back three	It's a new back three for NZ, with Cory Jane leaving Sweet Valley High to play international rugby.  They at least have a full-back playing at full-back though.	8	7	James Hook changes position again and the wings are populated by Shane and Halfpenny - combined height 4'10". They will be peppered and it will be a struggle
Midfield	Conrad Smith is class.  Ma'a Nonu would be class if he had ever passed a ball is his life.	9	8	Shanklin and Roberts have the potential to be the best pairing in Europe.  FACT.  That still doesn't make them good enough for today.  ANOTHER FACT.
Half-back	Is Carter injured or not?  Will it matter? Probably not.  New scrum-half could be a weak link.	9	8	Gareth Cooper is decent enough but has never truly fulfilled his early potential.  Stephen Jones in class but a little one-paced and that pace is "ambling" these days
Front row	Wild West sherriff Wyatt Crockett has travelled through time to fill the loose-head berth.  Won't be allowed to use his gun, however.	8	6	It's official that Wales has only one tight-head prop and when he is injured everything turns to rat-shit.  Like now.
Locks	Brad Thorn once played rugby league and Jason Eaton is inexperienced.  Not sure which is worse.	8	9	Alun-Wyn is probably the best one out there on Saturday.  Luke Charteris is definitely the thinnest, despite that Wales still have the edge.
Back row	It contains Richie McCaw - end of conversation.	10	8	Ryan Jones is pretty good, Martyn Williams is very good.  Neither of them are Richie McCaw.  Andy Powell is what he is.
Number of Welsh speakers in the team	0. Lack of ability to speak the ancient Celtic lingo means a low score in this category	0	10	At least 2. Being the second best rugby team i the world can only get you so far, being able to pronounce Rhosllanerchrugog correctly is the real clincher.
TOTALS	It was all going so well until the end...	52	56	What a late recovery that was.  Wales to win!

Preview: New Zealand vs Australia - great tries battle

Final game of the Tri-Nations tomorrow between the Blacks and the Wallabies.  Let's compare and contrast some of each side's great tries.  Of course, we don't like tries around here; tries are what foreigners and the Welsh do.  

NZ first, Australia after the jump.  

One To Watch: Aaron Cruden, Manawatu, NZ

New Zealand 10s tend to come in two forms - Mehrtensesque or Spenceresque.  Sometimes, a player like Dan Carter comes along who is a perfect mix of the two. But, with Nick Evans making some coin in London, some observers worried where the next superstar would come from to cover for and eventually replace Carter.  Well, this boy from Manawatu looks to be pretty safe bet.

Cruden is 20 years old, has just won the IRB U20 Player of the Year Award, has beaten cancer already and is capable of such feats of skill as displayed above and at 0:36 in this other video.  

Vintage British Lions: Rory Underwood scores vs NZ, 1993

Cracking try this one, including some nifty work from Dewi Morris at 9 - it's easy to forget when you listen to his drivel on Sky that he was once a decent player.  Also, Ugo Monye could learn a lot by noting which hand Rory has the ball in.