Blood & Mud

Rugby World Cup 2011: top quotes

The tournament's..

New/Old Cliche: “I hate saying the old cliches. I like to make my own ones up. You’ve just got to take each game as it comes.”  Cory Jane, bright lad.

Moustache:  "He shaved it a little bit yesterday so he resembles a bit like Freddy Mercury now" Dave Ellis has a pop at Marc Lievremont's face furniture.

Wrongs: "I'm not getting into that conversation now. It's not the right place or the right people or the right time" Martin Johnson is not for talking about his future in such circumstances.  He prefers to do it with the chaos of the RFU management structure instead.

Sound advice: "I just want to tell the players to be careful. They don't want to spend 10 grand on a mouthguard." Manu Tuilagi tells players to beware the not-at-all over the top IRB brand police.

Cliché rewording: "The All Blacks know we are unpredictable, both in a good and a bad way actually. We can either fail or pull it off – and that is what they fear."  Julien Bonnaire finds a new and novel way of saying 'you never know which France is gonna turn up'

Not moving forward: “I am still getting over this one, mate.” Shaun Edwards is not keen to answer any questions abour the next Rugby World Cup, 2015

Unlikely hero: “He was whitebaiting when I talked to him today. He’s been running up and down the side of a river. One of the criteria of selection was two pound of whitebait. So there’s always some benefits.” Graham Henry makes a joke about the call-up of Stephen Donald.  No-one laughs.

 

 

The rugby month in quotes

This month's...

Ray of sunshine:  "The game in the north is dying" - Sale owner Brian Kennedy ruins the sunny weather mood for rugby fans in half the surface area of England

Deserver of a kicking: "Chillax" - Referee JP Doyle for some reason believes that behaving like an irritating twat will calm down London Irish and Sale players. 

Not-so-subtle hint:  "In theory, I could play tomorrow if they wanted me" - Leicester's Tom Waldrom makes kissy faces at Martin Johnson, who has form for picking cumbersome Number Eights, to be fair.

Stereotype confirmer: "Sometimes I will have three pies for a meal" - Chris Ashton sets Wigan's cause to be recognised as something other than a meat-in-pastry mecca back a few years

Excitement: "The record doesn't mean that much to me" - Jonny Wilkinson shows his humna side and goes batshit-crazy-apeshit at reclaiming the test points record.

Ray of Sunshine II, with less sun and shine: "The game is bust and the RFU has to do something about it" - Brian Kennedy again, who has obviously been listening to a lot of Radiohead recently

Contrition: "Very sorry for the lack of activity on here recently" - Lee Calvert, editor of this blog, admits to being a little less than productive of late...

 

Quote Unquote - Kyle Eastmond move nonsense special

This is the first and last time I am mentioning this transfer on the blog.  The best thing to do with an RL convert is look the other way, leave him to it and maybe, just maybe, one day in the future he'll turn up as a pedestrian international centre in the absence of anyone better.

Here is what some important people are saying about it.

"He is a very exciting player and I sure he will bring a lot to the rugby union party and although I’m not sure where he will play, he will do well."  Really, Steve McNamara (England RL coach)?  How's about we stick him in at Number 8 and let him bust some party moves? 

"He was always very polite and well respected by his peers.  You could tell he had a good upbringing, he was very well disciplined"  Eastmond's former headmaster, Hardial Hayer, tells us absolutely nothing of any use.

“There are similarities in terms of stature and speed [with Jason Robinson], but Kyle is a completely different kind of player, being a scrum-half".  Former RL Man of Steel, Paul Sculthorpe, make a reasonable statement then contradicts the point of it.

“I’ve had no input at all; but he’s a skilful player and I welcome any English talent in the Premiership.” Martin Johnson pretty much says 'For the love of Christ leave me out of this'.

So, there you go.  A truckload of inconsequential nonsense, but at least people south of Rucorn have heard of him now.

Rugby month in quotes - Six Nations launch special

This month's:

Undefined role:  "We're quietly confident that if we get our game together we'll be in the hunt in some capacity." Yes, Brian O'Driscoll, but are you horse, dog, horn, fox, or fat, wheezing, red-jacketed Lord?

Faint praise: "Wayne Smith (All Black assistant coach) told Rob Howley that we're probably the hardest European team they play against for 65 minutes.  But they also feel that at some stage they're going to be given an opportunity. He's probably right."  Warren Gatland gives out the rugby equivalent of a manager telling an employee he does a good job, until he's required to do anything other than frank post.

Unconvincing credentials: “You can’t be a one-man team, we knew Parisse was going to be out, but Zanni, the player that’s going to take his place, has played Number 8 before.”  Italy coach Nick Mallett thinks that ignoring the past four years of Italian rugby history then reading a player profile will give the supporters some solace.

Strange target: "Our main focus is on continuity of performance.” Marc Lievremont fancies getting beaten by 43 points again then.

Selective Memory: "We’re focused on the first game against France. In the last couple of years, we’ve lost that first game" ..and the second, third, fourth etc, Andy Robinson

 

 

The rugby month in quotes

This month's..

Unwelcome addition: "Who let those buggers in?"  Scarlets' Aussie import David Lyon is non too happy with the form of Benetton Treviso following their admission to the Magners League and their defeat of his side at home.

Calm down, dear: "If we don't take action going into a World Cup year, the game of rugby is going to die." Brendan Venter takes the 'we're all doomed' approach to one bad refereeing performance in which his side coincidentally lost.  

Leg man: "Last time I saw a pair of thighs like that was on some of the Samoans back in New Zealand." Warren Gatland goes all of a flutter at the pins of young Scarlets monster and Wales squad debutant George North

Brick wall: "He said no. That line of communication is closed"  Michael Cheika finds that Martin Johnson is not really a discussion and compromise kind of person when it comes to releasing Stade players Haskell and Palmer from England camp

Flame fanning:  "I just wonder what Martin Johnson would have said to anyone who told him he would have to miss a game for Leicester to go into camp." Cheika, having clearly given up on winning the England coach round instead resorts to pissing him off some more.

The rugby month in quotes

This month's:

Word definition confusion - "Given his record in both codes of the game, it's not an exaggeration to say he is the best ever rugby player." Fylde owner Mark Nelson shows a keen misunderstanding of the verb 'to exaggerate' when talking of his club's new signing Jason Robinson.

Out of body experience - "This boy wants to play hard to get back involved in the England team." Phil Vickery talks about himself in the third person, a sure sign a person's career is over.  (See Vaughan, Michael; McClaren, Steve)

Euphemism- "Unfortunately sometimes they are the cards that you're dealt and you've got to suck it up." - by "they are the cards you are dealt", Brian O'Driscoll actually means "your number 8 viciously and violently knees someone in the head and is sent off, followed by your stand-off grabbing someone off the ball and getting binned"

Perspective - "Living and rugby are not two different things - they are one." Jonny Wilkinson takes a moderated and affable approach to the game as always

The rugby month in quotes

This month's:

Perfect summation: "I get a few letters, none of which have been signed because whoever sent them are scumbags and obviously not very brave," Marc Lievremont tells it like it is regarding racist letters he has received concerning Mathiey Bastareaud.

Red Letter Day: "Having my bicep reattached, turning 40 and being beaten by 30 points capped a great weekend for me last week to be fair!" Toby Booth is loving life right now

Half-full glass: "I know it's a long plane ride, but it's only one transfer and there are end-of-season tours and autumn internationals." Danny Cipriani is optimistic about his England chances

Baldness: "The only combover in the Super 14" SA TV commentator has a jibe at the expense of Andy Goode

Pot speaking to kettle: "There have not been too many classic Six Nations matches over the last decade involving the Azzurri." Whereas the England matches have been a feat for the senses haven't they, Lewis Moody?

Freudian slip: "I'm definitely not moving for the money. I would have stayed for a little bit more." Paul Sackey gives himself away a bit about his move to France

The rugby month in quotes

This month's:

Rose-tinted specs - "The Barbarians take us back to what rugby is really about - the friendship and camaraderie."  Bryan Habana neglects to add, 'and drinking and fighting' to his lionising of the great old club

Believer - "It's basically all or nothing, following Jesus. I don't believe in pick 'n' mix Christianity." Euan Murray gets a bit pompous about his decison not to play internationals on Sundays.  I suppose this also means he doesn't do sex before marriage.  Yeah right...

Sense-talker - "What I choose to do when I close the door at home has nothing to do with what I have achieved in rugby." Quite right Gareth Thomas.  Unless what you do when you close the door is piss on all your medals and trophies, of course.

Big talk - "It is not nice to sack people but if I thought the decision was in the best interests of the team, I would make it." Martin Johnson reasssures us all that he can definitely take the big decisions that he has, as yet, shown no sign of actually making

The rugby month in quotes

This month's:

Shock admission "A draw is always a little like kissing your mother-in-law." Osprey's  coach Scott Johnson gives away perhaps more than he wanted to following his side's dramatic 32-32 result against Leicester. 

Eloquent dressing down.  "They may have such histrionics in other sports, but not this one, now behave yourselves"  Ref Wayne Barnes stands for no back-chat in the Quins vs Bath tie.

Perfect match "Rugby and Rio together - great sport, great party. I mean, we're made for each other, really."  IRB chief Mike Miller lays it on thick iwith the Olympics sales pitch. 

Eye-opener "That was a thrill I didn't know existed at club level." Jonny Wilkinson finds another reason why leaving Kingston Park was a good idea, after his Toulon side beat Toulouse in front of 60,000 scraming fans. 

Worrying prospect.  "The Chinese military are very keen on rugby because of the discipline and teamwork involved. They could become proficient very quickly."  Mike Miller again, this time waxing about the potential newest form of the Red Machine.  And of course, if things aren't going their way they will just drive tanks onto the field...

The rugby month in Quotes

This month's:

Metaphor mangler: "They need the rub of the green and hopefully they can gives us a sniff." Graham Henry beseeches the Wallabies to let him have a good smell of the Springboks

Revelation: "No more pina coladas and cuddles. There's a mortgage to be paid and a house to be kept clean."  Former Wallaby Andrew Slack gets the under-performing team told, and gives away what he gets up to when he isn't either working or cleaning.

Model immigrant: "I'm trying to become a little bit more French than English." Jonny Wilkinson shows how to win over your new countrymen

Cunning Linguist: "I was busy trying to tell the ref that I was waiting for the kicking tee but my pronunciation was marginally out because I was, in fact, telling him that I wanted a cup of tea." Jonny again.

Bionic Man: "He's not a goalkicker, he's a rocket launcher" John Smit on the cannon-footed and stupid-barneted full-back, Frans Steyn.

Unqualified cliche: "Spend too much time looking in the rear-view mirror and you are going to crash."  New USA coach Eddie O'Sullivan forgets to add, "unless you are reversing, obviously."