Blood & Mud

The Rugby Lexicon is back!

It's been a while, so let's dip into the game's greatest unwritten book for more definition-based piss taking.

martinjohnson (n) - a failure after great success.  "Despite The Second Coming being a complete martinjohnson, The Stone Roses' did manage to secure their reputiation due to their eponymous first album."  From, Loads of Dead Good Albums You Should Listen To, by Stuart Maconie

johnhayes (v) to have a long career, despite the person's obvious limitations "She may have had a stupid accent, ginger hair, a crap singing voice and massive teeth, but none of these things prevented Cilla Black from johnhayesing for almost fifty-years in showbusiness"  Michael Aspel on Cilla's This Is Your Life

wales (v) to start slowly, ineffectually "I know he's renowned as a top author, but most of Stephen King's books really wales for the first ten chapters, particularly The Tommyknockers - and don't even get me started on The Stand"  'The Book Club', Radio 4, August 1994   

haskell (n) an argument over something of very little importance "Whether John Terry should be England captain or not is a haskell compared to whether or not he should have cut his hair into that stupid mohawk." Fabio Capello, FA press conference.

haskell (v) to inflate one's own importance "Many players are gettting a bit fed up of Lawrence Dallaglio's haskelling in the press, given his form does not warrant a recall." A source in the England camp in the run-up to RWC 2007

Rugby Lexicon: the alternative dictionary from the game

More entries from the utterly useless yet diverting wordopedia.

waspspack (n) a humiliating and public dismantling.  "Some polls - and much of the non-football betting -are suggesting that come May, New Labour may be on the wrong end of the kind of waspspack that they themselves inflicted on the Conservatives in 1997"  BBC's Nick Robinson

johnwells (v) to mysteriously hold onto one's job.  "I can categorically state now, to anyone that suggests that council employees are johnwellsing their way through the recession, all of those jobs are of vital importance to the functioning of government locally."  TUC General Secretary, Brendan Barber

robandrew (v) to blame all failures on anything but yourself.  "The concensus among film critics is that Heaven's Gate is probably the worst film ever made, yet director Michael Cimino continues to robandrew about the lack of studio support, poor marketing and the new breakdown laws as reasons why it flopped" Barry Norman in his latest book The World's Most Shittest Films, Ever!  

barryjohn (v) to inexplicably stop.  "It had nothing to do with my wife, a golf club or any affair you say I was having, the car simply barryjohned at the end of my driveway and I banged my head"  Tiger Woods press conference

kingcarlos (a) unexpected.  "In a decision that was extremely kingcarlos, Martin Johnson will be taking a sabbatical from his England role to appear in this year's Strictly Come Dancing,  The board is considering its position on the matter." RFU statement June 2010

Rugby Lexicon: the alternative dictionary from the game

More entries from the not very famous rugby tome

Woodward (v) - a permament belief that no-one can do a job you once held as well as you. "Big Jim Martin will not be involved in the 2009 reunion of Faith No More, a development that can only serve to exacerbate his long-standing woodward towards the present guitarist. "  Kerrang Magazine

Bergamasco (n) - a terrible, unprecedented and unjustifiable decision.  "RBS shareholders are demanding an explanation from the board as to how the bergamasco to give Fred Goodwin such an enormous pension settlement was reached" Robert Peston, BBC News

Bergamasco (v) - to fail totally, but through no fault of your own.  "It's all very well pointing the finger at me, but in the situation it was inevitable I would bergamasco"  Mauro Bergamasco, May 2009

Shaunedwards (v) - to focus totally on one reason for your own shortcomings.  "It is all very well the Prime Minister shaunedwardsing about the global downturn, but what we want to know is what support he is putting in place for small businesses in the UK!" David Cameron, Prime Minister's questions

craigquinnell (n) -  something that looks very imposing, but is ultimately ineffectual "Frank Bruno had the size and some good skills, but that glass jaw and lack of killer instinct means he will always be a craigquinnell in boxing history."  Bert Sugar, Ring Magazine  

Rugby Lexicon: the alternative dictionary from the game

Finally it's here!  The greatest book never written about our great game, and here's a few entries for starters - don't forget to add some of your own in the comments.

Blanco. (v)  To turn around a seemingly irreversible, dreadful situation against all expectations.  "I always thought Mickey Rourke would drink himself to death, but with The Wrestler he has really blancoed his career"  Xan Brooks, Guardian film critic

Robandrew. (n)  A constant background drone that prevents you from doing your job properly. "Sorry I didn't get the report on sub-prime mortgage risk finished on time, but the robandrew that was coming from that broken desklamp ruined my concentration"  Executive Director of Finance, Lehman Brothers.

Cipriani. (v) To convince people who know very little that you are a saviour.  "The cult leader David Koresh, along with a number of rednecks he ciprianied, have been killed by forces storming his frankly mental church today" Jeremy Paxman, Newsnight.

Stevewalsh (n) Something that constantly gets attention beyond the level of its importance.  "They've got a few decent tracks, but all this positive critical re-evaluation of ABBA is bollocks, they are a complete stevewalsh." Paul Gambaccini

Balshaw (v)  to show much promise at various stages, only to ultimately disappoint.  Usage: "After 2 hours of buying her triple vodkas she finally agreed to come back to my place; we were then game on in the bedroom, only for her to balshaw it by falling asleep whilst I was finding a condom." Part of Russell Brand's answerphone message that the BBC did edit out.