Blood & Mud

RBS 6 Nations Match Previews in 140 characters or less

Twitter is worth more than Jonny Wilkinson's 2002 aura these days, so let's have a go at previewing the weekend's action within their arbitrary limits.  Have a try yourselves in the comments.

Italy vs England - Scrumfest, maladroit passing, tense finish involving place kicks and reduced hyperbole and optimism.

Fra vs Ire - Fra dominate scrum, parity in lineout, Fofana shows up D'Arcy, France win due to Ire shocking record in Paris + being better

Wales vs Scotland - Wales win because they are playing Scotland at home.

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SHIT/GOOD™ Ratings: RBS 6 Nations, round one

Our stab at who's worth your time and who's worth a kicking after the weekend.  Don't forget to add your nominations in the comments, or I'll send 

SHIT

Phil Dowson - After wanting him in a white shirt for so long, it hurts a great deal to have him in this section, but it cannot be denied that he was poor and outplayed by a child (see below).  Ben Morgan will likely start against Italy.

Scotland line-breakers - If any one of them would have made a single decision that was the correct side of "why the fuck did you do that?" then Scotland would have run out very comfortable winners.

Sean O'Brien - He justifies his 7 shirt thus; lack of fetching skills offset by carrying the ball like an angry rhinocerous who's just received a tax bill.  He's maintaining the former but failing in the latter. 

Ben Youngs - All at sea at the minute, and while this blog still believes that he still has an enormous future, he needs to be left out for a bit to get some form and confidence back.

GOOD

Mouritz Botha - It was a weekend when people with comical hair impressed greatly, and the erstwhile Saffer was among the best of them.  Carried and hit hard, and will cause some selection headaches when Lawes is fit again.  Could England select both?

George North - Let's just remind ourselves again that this lad is 19.  His basics are fantastic, when he carries the ball he is fearsome - as Fergus McFadden and Rob Kearney will testify, and that offload for the second Davies try showed a sublime level of skill and composure.  NINETEEN!  

Warren Gatland - Completely took the wind out of Sonia McLoughlin's journalistic sails by replying "yes" when asked if Bradley Davies should have had a red card.  Honestly like this from coaches is what every sport needs.

Luke McLean - On a day when Italy's pack did the decent job we all expect, the beardy winger was the only back to really show any kind of adventure or flair.

Louis Picamoles - If you're going to drop big Imanol, you'd best make sure whoever comes in is bloody good.  He was.

David Denton - Has civil servant's name and looks like an extra from Fast Times At Ridgemont High, but my word he can play, eh?

Conor Murray - Ireland's young scrum-half was lively all game.

Rugby Video: Top 6 Nations tries from each team

Stuart Barnes might be a large ball of pompous gas these days, but check out his skills in the England try!

Which is your favourite?  Hard to see past Phil Bennett, what a player that man was. 

RBS 6 Nations Preview: Wales

What a difference twelve months makes.  The Autumn Internationals of 2010 and the 2011 Six Nations were leading many to wonder what had gone wrong with Wales and also to quietly raise questions about Warren Gatland’s leadership.  Then two things happened; Sam Warburton was given his head at openside and Rhys Priestland was slotted in at 10.  The rest, as they say, is World Cup apple cart upsetting history, and the team in red now find themselves in the strange position of everyone expecting them to tonk everyone in Europe. 

It was never going to be that simple, and the perennial pre-tournament Wales Injury Issues™ have rendered this even more unlikely.  Wales have so far lost or very much look like losing – deep breath -  Gethin Jenkins, Priestland, the quietly impressive Dan Lydiate (insert obligatory reference to Richard Hill), The Lock Formerly Known as Luke Charteris, Alun-Wyn Jones, and Jamie Roberts.  Add this to the loss of a certain little left winger to retirement and it adds up to not so much a void in personnel as a black hole.

Priestland in particular is a huge loss, mainly as Jamie Roberts is a player transformed when the little Scarlet plays inside him.  Stephen Jones, for all his experience, looks a tad lost these days.

Given that half the first team could well be missing for some or all of the tournament, the good domestic form of Ireland’s players, and France no longer being managed by an extra from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, this could be a severe test of Wales’s resurgence.  One which I think they will fall short in, I’m afraid.

Prediction: 3rd

Best Named Player: Justin Tipuric – sounds like one of those hedge fund managers that get wheeled out on the news to justify why they keep driving up the cost of food and fuel.

We All Want A Look At:  Whoever plays in the 11 shirt.  Alex Cuthbert is rumoured to be getting the nod,  creating a wing pairing with George North who are both of Gog descent and have a combined height of 27 feet 7 inches.  Oh, and Gavin Henson, who is lurking in the background like a curiously orange spectre.

Squad

Forwards - C Mitchell (Exeter Chiefs), Adam Jones (Ospreys), R Bevington (Ospreys), G Jenkins (Cardiff Blues), P James (Ospreys), R Gill (Saracens), Rhodri Jones (Scarlets), M Rees (Scarlets), H Bennett (Ospreys), K Owens (Scarlets), B Davies (Cardiff Blues), I Evans (Ospreys), L Reed (Scarlets), Ryan Jones (Ospreys), D Lydiate (Newport Gwent Dragons), S Warburton (Cardiff Blues, capt), J Tipuric (Ospreys), T Faletau (Newport Gwent Dragons), A Powell (Sale Sharks).

Backs - M Phillips (Bayonne), L Williams (Cardiff Blues), R Webb (Ospreys), R Priestland (Scarlets), J Hook (Perpignan), J Roberts (Cardiff Blues), J Davies (Scarlets), S Williams (Scarlets), G Henson (Cardiff Blues), A Beck (Ospreys), G North (Scarlets), L Halfpenny (Cardiff Blues), A Cuthbert (Cardiff Blues), H Robinson (Cardiff Blues), L Williams (Scarlets), L Byrne (Clermont Auvergne).

Nigel Owens' beautiful bollocking now available on clothing!

Nigel Owens's already legendary scolding of Treviso's Saffer scrum-half, Tobias Botes, (above) was not featured on B&M at the time, but it was pedalled excitedly on the blog's Twitter and Facebook accounts. 

While no excuse is needed for enjoying it again, we have one today as Ruckin' Shirts UK have released a range of "This Is Not Soccer" tees and hoodies for our purchasing pleasure.

 And I thought he would never better his "Get everyone in 'ere" 30-man telling of 2010.

B&M TV present the unmissable new series, 'The Sweeney & Parks'

B&M TV is proud to announce a major new police drama, rebooting the classic cop show The Sweeney.  

The Sweeney & Parks will swap 1970's London for the mean streets of Cardiff in 2012.  Detective Sergeants Ceri Sweeney & Dan Parks are on the same team, but also rivals, and they have a very different approach to crime fighting.

Here's a clip from the first episode "Rumble In Llanrumney".

Female PC Edwards enters room, Parks is standing bolt upright staring in awe at a photo of former Detective Inspector Craig Chalmers on the wall.   Sweeney is asleep on his desk.

PC Edwards: Detectives, a referral has come in, a 65-year-old male has been beaten in the Llanrumney area, initial reports suggest a group of young men in Dragons shirts!

Parks: Pass if to me Edwards, I'll see if the fourth floor will take it

PC Edwards: Why? If you don't fancy it, are you not going to give it your department to deal with?

Parks: Department? What department?  

PC Edwards (pointing): That collection of men on those desks just over there

Parks: I can use them?  Well, who knew?  I'll think about using them, but the fourth floor still looks a good option. 

Sweeney rouses and blinks at the scene in the room

Sweeney: Bollocks to the fourth floor, Parks!  Give it to me, I'm ready for it, I've had an hour's kip and that family whose garden I woke up in last night have agreed not to report anything after I promised them I would lend them PC Halfpenny as a replacement gnome.

Parks: I'm not sure I want to run with this, Ceri

Sweeney: There's a bloody surprise.  Out of interest, when did you last run with anything?

Parks: Just before they transferred me into the Cardiff station, I ran with about three cases and they thought I'd be a decent recruit.  

Sweeney: Whatever, butt, we're taking this.  My strategy is we go up to Llanrumney now, round up everyone in a Dragons shirt and..

Parks: Ask the uniforms to speak to them?

Sweeney:  No!  In your role you have to occasionally do something other than get rid of real work and stare at that hero of yours on the wall.  Sometimes you have to go with it, trust your team, and let them do something with it.  Then if they balls it up I can punch a few people and arrest random blokes and stuff to see where that gets us.

Parks: And you should maybe occasionally do something that doesn't jeopardise entire cases!

Sweeney:   Do you wanna go right now, me and you?  I'll make a saddle for my bike out of your arse cheeks you dismal bastard!

Parks: You wouldn't know how to stitch it

Sweeney: I bet you would

Parks: Actually, I would

Sweeney: Bet you'd send it to the fourth floor to do it though.  

Six Nations 2012: Wales & Ireland name squads.

The big news is about two centres; one in each squad respectively - Gavin Henson be reselected and Gordon D'Arcy clinging onto a squad place better than he did a ball at any time in last year's tournament.

In other news, Declan Kidney seems not undestand the concept of Ulster, either as the place or the team apparently.

WALES (35 man training squad for trip to Poland)

Backs: Mike Phillips (Bayonne), Lloyd Williams (Cardiff Blues), Rhys Webb (Ospreys), Rhys Preistland (Scarlets), James Hook (Perpignan), Jamie Roberts (Cardiff Blues), Jonathan Davies (Scarlets), Scott Williams (Scarlets), Gavin Henson (Cardiff Blues), Ashley Beck (Ospreys), George North (Scarlets), Leigh Halfpenny (Cardiff Blues), Alex Cuthbert (Cardiff Blues), Harry Robinson (Cardiff Blues), Liam Williams (Scarlets), Lee Bryne (Clermont Auvergne)

Forwards: Craig Mitchell (Exeter Chiefs), Adam Jones (Ospreys), Ryan Bevington (Ospreys), Gethin Jenkins (Cardiff Blues), Paul James (Ospreys), Rhys Gill (Saracens), Rhodri Jones (Scarlets), Matthew Rees (Scarlets), Huw Bennett (Ospreys), Ken Owens (Scarlets), Bradley Davies (Cardiff Blues), Ian Evans (Ospreys), Lou Reed (Scarlets), Ryan Jones (Ospreys), Dan Lydiate (Newport Gwent Dragons), Sam Warburton (capt, Cardiff Blues), Justin Tipuric (Ospreys), Toby Faletau (Newport Gwent Dragons), Andy Powell (Sale Sharks).

Ireland after the jump....

IRELAND (Six Nations Squad)

Ireland squad: Rory Best (Ulster), Tommy Bowe (Ospreys), Tom Court (Ulster), Sean Cronin (Leinster), Leo Cullen (Leinster), Gordon D'Arcy (Leinster), Keith Earls (Munster), Stephen Ferris (Ulster), Cian Healy (Leinster), Jamie Heaslip (Leinster), Shane Jennings (Leinster), Rob Kearney (Leinster), Fergus McFadden (Leinster), Conor Murray (Munster), Sean O'Brien (Leinster), Donncha O'Callaghan (Munster), Paul O'Connell (Munster), Ronan O'Gara (Munster), Eoin Reddan (Leinster), Mike Ross (Leinster), Donnacha Ryan (Munster), Jonathan Sexton (Leinster), Andrew Trimble (Ulster), Paddy Wallace (Ulster)

Wolfhounds squad: Stephen Archer (Munster), Isaac Boss (Leinster), Gavin Duffy (Connacht), Luke Fitzgerald (Leinster), Chris Henry (Ulster), Denis Hurley (Munster), David Kearney (Leinster), Ian Keatley (Munster), Ronan Loughney (Connacht), Ian Madigan (Leinster), Mike McCarthy (Connacht), Kevin McLaughlin (Leinster), John Muldoon (Connacht), Tomas O'Leary (Munster), Eoin O'Malley (Leinster), Rhys Ruddock (Leinster), Mike Sherry (Munster), Nevin Spence (Ulster), Devin Toner (Leinster), Dan Tuohy (Ulster), Damien Varley (Munster), Brett Wilkinson (Connacht)

 

Bloodandmud.com (predictably daft) predictions for 2012

"Haskell-San no more want to run at people, he want make paper beauty of him own self"

1. IRB to address the scrum issue; ruling that all scrums will now require the forwards to make a heap of bodies on the floor while a back either quick-taps or kicks for touch. This will save 3.4 years in lost game time across an average season.

2.  Rob Andrew will chair a press conference about the Olympics; he will have an official badge on and speak with great confidence about what his role at the 2012 Games does not involve.  After an hour of questioning no-one will be any clearer about what he was doing there.

3.  Dan Parks will be replaced as a Scotland impact sub by an upturned yard brush stuck in the ground.  No-one will notice.

4.  The national press's main rugby writers will publish a "My Current Lions Fifteen" column every hour, on the hour, for what will seem like the whole of eternity.

5.  Stuart Lancaster will select a young and promising squad.  They will lose by 3 points in Rome on the opening weekend on the Six Nations, prompting the recall of Simon Shaw, Mike Tindall, Phil Vickery and Dean Richards.  Stephen Jones of The Times will blame it all on rugby league.

6.  Wales will win the Six Nations. Or at least they should.  If they don't then Gatland, Edwards et al need a good hiding.  (NB.  The blog is not voluteering to carry this out)

7.  Ireland will cope without the injured semi-deity O'Driscoll as his dad will send a certain ancient carpenter who happens to be a handy outside centre down to plug the gap.  They never mentioned that in the good book or at mass, did they?

8. Phillipe Saint-Andre will introduce consistency of selection to the French team, this will bore the players and they will resort to performing show tunes in defence.  Marc Lievremont will be seen smiling in the crowd.

9. Inspired by Tom Cruise in the "The Last Samurai", Haskell-San will go native and be unavailable for England selection due to dedicating his next twelve months to making origami sculptures of himself in various masculine poses.

Give us your predictions in the comments.  

Thanks for your attention, comments and interest in 2011; your patronage of this simple little blog is always appreciated and never taken for granted.

Look forward to seeing you all here again in 2012.  Happy New Year! 

Rugby Video: Shane Williams retires almost perfectly, and yet does it perfectly. Much like his career.

This blog's opinion on the stature of Shane Williams and the impact of his exit has already been given; but today he retired in a way that was so nearly empirically perfect - the only thing missing was a win - but its falling just short mattered not.  Spiritually it was perfect, and that is all we will and should remember. 

He led out his team in front of a packed house of 72,000 adoring fans and a TV audience of many more from many nations, all equally in his thrall.  He chokes back genuine tears as his anthem rings out like a regretful yet glorious peal of bells while Ryan Jones does a perfect south walian man's comforting strategy of patting him on the head once, and no more.  He scores in the dying minutes, he then clutches his children in the post-match interview and humbly states, "I've had the best time of my life."

So have we Shane.

Watch this video and ask yourself, do you really give a shit who won or lost?

Rugby video: The legends talk about the Rugby World Cup finals.

Scott Quinnell pulls no punches about France here.

For more insights and analysis from the Heineken Ambassadors into Rugby World Cup 2011 in New Zealand, please visit www.thisisthegame.com.